Out of my Mind
by UtterlyGutsyNinja16
Summary: Rewrite of the episode 'Out of my Mind'. It seems it wasn't a dream where Spike and Buffy kissed and he confessed his feelings because when the vampire awoke he found the Slayer in his bed with him. Oh god yes... please yes.
1. Prologue

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

Passions was on as Spike tried to work out his frustrations with the issue that he failed once again to thwart the Slayer. He utterly and completely failed with removing his chip and finally putting Buffy in a permanent grave. She always won and he always got kicked around... albeit in a comical way, but still it wasn't fun to be Spike when playing a round of 'Kick the Spike'.

Suddenly, the door was kicked in and speak of devil it was his Goldilocks. She was intensely angry and so was he as he stood.

"Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours." Spike said with biting sarcasm.

"Well, it would've been less if I wasn't busy cleaning up your mess." Buffy said with such venom it was practically dripping from her mouth onto the floor.

"_My_ mess? I just _borrowed_ the doc. The mess is yours, Slayer. Yours and the boy's." Spike scoffed.

"I'm done." Buffy said. "Spike, you're a killer. And I shoulda done this _years_ ago."

They were mere inches from each other with a stake in her hand ready to stab him as she felt her belly begin to tighten in excitement at finally ending this mess. It always did this to her when finally ending something so prolonged and she could feel her heart rate picking up in speed as green and black met each other.

"You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it." He said in a bit of hoarse whisper.

"What?" She was taken aback.

"Just do it and end my torment... Seeing you everywhere I go and every time I turn around. Take me out of a world that has you in it." He furious yanked off his shirt right onto the floor. "Just kill me!"

Her green eyes traveled up and down his pale and flawless skin. The lean muscles were going up and down slightly because of the intensity of the conversation. It caused the air to feel more heated than usual. Her cheeks were becoming slightly pink as her green eyes were roaming the slight ridges on his abdomen and his arms that were so lovely and toned.

Unbeknownst to Buffy, Spike was becoming slightly aroused by the way her half lidded eyes roamed his body in a slow and tantalizing way. His hormones were going wild like usual when it came to her and he wanted her... now more than ever. It was like he was being possessed by some primal urge to ravish her body like no other lover.

Buffy blinked rapidly trying to clear her vision from the hazy thoughts of Spike (she had a boyfriend she shouldn't be having lusty wrong feelings about him..., right?) and tried to go for a stab, but he backed up. They caught each other's eyes and she felt as if she was paralyzed under the dark, deep, penetrating, and aroused eyes, so her arm lowered...

That's when he grasped her by her upper arms, he immediately pulled her flush against his body feeling her slightly erect nipples through her thin white shirt against his bare chest. His lips attacked hers in a fierce battle. All of it accumulated in him having to fight down the deep moan of desire, however he couldn't suppress it completely and a soft moan escaped him against her lips that were beginning to swell.

That small noise of years worth of repressed sexual desires snapped her out of her own hypnotic state of arousal. That's when of course Buffy pulled herself free from his grasp which caused him to grunt at the suddenness.

She was panting roughly with a hand over her mouth to express how truly shocked she was. He was panting softly as well as checking her out slowly in the mean time. He wasn't sorry one bit for causing her lips to swell slightly from the pressure of his kisses, the way her heaving breasts were head-lighting, and the way her commercial lovely blonde hair was mused from his hands. No, he wasn't sorry at all...

Slowly, her hand began to drop, her breathing began to regulate, and her eyes weren't as wide as before. This was what rather worried him, he assumed intense anger would begin to spread all over her face as she came closer, but she surprised him...

Buffy grasped Spike by the back of his head using it as leverage and brought his lips to hers. She pressed her body tightly against his shirtless body as they continued to kiss. She could feel her body melting into his embrace as she felt she was finally letting out all of this sexual tension between them. Every passing day she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't have some sort of release and she had no idea why. She had Riley and they frequently had sex..., however it wasn't passionate.

Buffy wasn't the only one who felt that way.

Spike then moved his mouth towards Buffy's neck planting kisses and sucking against the area he set his mouth to. His hands grasped at her back holding her firmly to him as if he was afraid she'd escape, as if that was possible.

"Spike," she breathed, her voice thick with desire, "I want you."

He continued his ministrations against her neck in that one area he figured was her sweet spot. All Buffy could do at that point was claw at her soon to be lover's back and keep from having her knees buckle. Such roaring passion and thick and raw between them. Spike nibbled at her neck softly which caused her head to loll backwards and a low moan to escape her lips.

"Buffy, I love you." He said. "God, I love you so much."

_•Four Hours Later•_

"Gah!" Spike gasped and he looked down to see that it was Buffy in his make shift bed with him. "Oh god no... please no."

**Author's Note: Should I continue this? Does it interest anybody?**


	2. Drama

**Author's Note:**

**~Detail:**

**I have some reviewers to thank. I'm so happy to all of you that have reviewed and stated that you want more of this fic. It's such a great feeling that so many people want me to continue.**

**~Thanking Reviewers:**

**Guest: I'm glad you find this fic great so far and be sure to keep on reading. :—)**

**spiked-love: I understand that feeling about certain things I'm really into. If I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer while it still was on air I think I would have heart attack or an aneurism. I'm not kidding; I was addicted to this series like Crystal Meth to a hardcore drugee. I was especially— at twelve years old, I think— addicted to Spuffy and I wanted Riley to drop off the face of the Earth. So, I hope I don't make you have an aneurism from my longish updates. :—)**

**~Chapter 2: Drama~**

Spike still sat there trying to regulate his breathing even if he didn't need air. He never intended to sleep with the Slayer ever... he only wished to kill her. However memories of last night were flowing back in: her blonde shampoo commercial hair he had his fingers through, her smooth skin, and the green eyes that didn't tear away from his in any point in time. Yeah, he didn't regret the sex itself, but the fact that he actually had sex with Buffy instead of killing her. He already felt like he was a poor excuse for a vampire as it was and now he was one of the Slayer's lap dogs.

No, Spike refused to be that. That chip might be holding the murderous animal inside, but he wasn't going to be tamed and house broken like Angel. He remembered how love sick and chained to each other they were. All that romance caused was Angelus re-emerging (he wouldn't mind a similar transformation in the form of losing the chip in his brain), Buffy killing him (okay, there were some extenuating circumstances), and then the painful longing and fighting. Spike didn't mind fighting in fact he rather enjoyed it, but considering the circumstances he couldn't exactly physically fight even with a decorative gun and all of that would be left was the painful longing he didn't want that.

Spike told himself he didn't want her.

He didn't love her.

He didn't want to run his hands through his Goldilocks' hair.

He didn't want those sea green eyes to run all over his face, his hair, or the rest of his body bringing warm touches to his icy skin with her small hands.

And Spike certainly didn't wish to do it ever again..., right?

Well, the vampire was clearly lying because the tent in his pants when he remembered their night certianly didn't prove _anything_. Eh, worse has happened... like when Drusilla cheated on him with an ugly antlered fungus demon, when he had to stake his Mom, or when he first got the chip and was having a self-identity crisis. No, those times had been worse then this one right here.

Beside him Buffy began to stir. So, Spike just watched her tiny body and face realize what was going on around her. She scrambled up, like lightening, covering her body completely with the second blanket.

"Wh-what did we do last night?" She said sounding alarmed and panicky with good reason.

"Fill in the blanks yourself, love."

She looked him over the bruises on the neck, the hint of nail marks on his back, and the sweat rolling off in beads alluding to strenuous activity. The realization dawned on her.

"Oh…." Then she whined and winced. "Oh my god!"

Eventually a small amount of time had passed and Buffy was almost completely and fully dressed. However, the blonde was still missing an item. The girl was freaking out, she had sex with an old time enemy, degraded herself, and to top it all off she cheated on Riley.

Even though— this was no excuse whatsoever— they weren't that close emotionally on her part. She didn't allow herself to bring down the walls that kept people from hurting her (namely Angel is responsible for this). She didn't want to get hurt, Riley was a rebound guy nothing more and nothing less. This was how it was with him.

"Shoe, need my shoe." She said looking around frantically with disgust on her face.

She found her stylish yet affordable boot down underneath one of the few things in the crypt. She was disgusted with herself; she couldn't believe that she slept with Spike. He was icky, evil (to her), and a vampire. Buffy can't even fathom why... _why_ on Earth she thought she could throw caution to the wind and let him go to town on her.

She didn't give it another single thought to that and focused on trying to make a speedy exit. She walked quickly past the vampire only clad in his leather pants and belt he just fastened.

"Ugh!" Spike growled leaving right past her. "Got Buffy taste still in my mouth!"

"You're a pig, Spike!" She shot back wiping the back of her mouth too.

She slammed the door open still making gagging noises and she was ready to leave him and never see him again. Good god, if she hadn't lost that stake he would be in dust ville right now. She wanted to erase all evidence of that insane night she had with Spike. She was so disgusted with herself that she slammed the door loudly behind her.

Now, Spike in an attempt to rid the evidence of the previous night found a near by fountain-like leak and began to strip before washing his body. He scrubbed furiously with the bar of soap and his bare hands trying to erase it all. He wanted it gone and he desired for that to happen so hard that he ended up drawing blood and angry red nail marks.

However, it didn't keep things at bay for too long. Thoughts, glimpses, and images of the previous night were coming back to him and he tried to shake his head to clear them.

That shampoo commercial blonde hair.

The scent of green apples.

The smooth and pretty skin that held gallons of that rich Slayer blood that he dreamt devouring countless times.

"I knew it." He grumbled. "I knew the only thing better than killing a Slayer was to fuck one."

* * *

**~•xXx•~**

* * *

Buffy was in pieces, so the natural thing for her to do is to vent her frustrations... with the punching bag in Giles' special training room in the back of the Magic Box. Her mind was racing, her heart rate was up and wasn't because of the physical exercise. Sweat was beginning glisten off her skin.

With one final roundhouse kick the bag flew off the chain to the other side of the room. She still didn't feel satisfied with the stress she was working out; she was still a guilty little bundle of nerves. That was why when a hand rested on her shoulder and in surprise and fear she ended up punching the gut.

"UGH!" Riley exclaimed collapsing to the floor.

"Ooh! Riley!" Buffy shouted in fear for her boyfriend.

Riley was surprised at how intensely worried she was for him she usually didn't show that much concern for him these day. The Slayer was slipping deeper and deeper in her protective shell and it was rather... refreshing that she was emerging finally from the shell she wrapped herself in. Despite the pain in his gut his heart was beginning to pick up a little especially when she began to hug him… warmly.

"I'm so sorry, Riley!" She exclaimed mostly out of the guilt she felt from her affair.

He figured perhaps something in her finally decided to open up to him and a small smile graced his lips as he kissed the top of her head. He was finally beginning to feel that spark he longed for. High maintenance man.

She was doing this out of guilt and plus she really just wanted a hug considering how disgusted she felt with herself. She felt like something disgusting and perverse crawled inside her and she didn't know how to quell it.

"Buffy? Are you alright?" Riley asks.

She didn't answer.

Later that day, Buffy was scrubbing furiously at her skin just like Spike had done earlier that day. She could feel every fiber in her being telling her she was disgusted, but in truth as she left angry red marks on her skin she felt… this little gleam like she felt something she hadn't felt in years. It felt familiar and slightly good— sex with Riley only relaxed her— sex with Spike was… rough, challenging, and made actually… peak. She had the 'Rough Sex Limp' to prove it.

However, the disgust is profusely over powering and over shadows that purely physical sense of satisfaction.

_Crash_

Buffy's head snaps up and she figures it must be her annoying brat kid sister Dawn again. The girl doesn't know when to not touch things that are fragile ranging from vases to priceless ceramic pieces.

That was when she dried off, slipped on some clothes, and exited the bathroom. It seemed her hunch was right: Dawn the big annoying klutz broke something… _again_. She told her Mom whatever's nice in this house they should get an Extended Warrantee. The girl was like a tornado of a mess and Buffy always had to be the broom to sweep it up.

"Well, pick it up." Buffy says ringing out her hair in annoyance.

"You're not the boss of me." Dawn said. "Mom, do I have to pick this up?"

"She knocked it to the ground." Buffy said heading for the exit.

"Dawn, clean up your mess." Their mother said tiredly.

Buffy could feel her heart give a painful thump, she sighed deeply, and then slammed the door straight in the brat's face. Her sister was getting on her last nerve; she was domestically tense and couldn't do anything about it.

Even though she had some hard core sex— the kind that leaves you walking funky and sore— last night, she still felt this unbarable tension and guilt inside her. So, to help work out her problems similar to that morning, she went slaying….

Soon enough the young woman had a random vampire by his collar and with her other hand she was repeatedly punching him in the face. Over and over again until she felt blood on her knuckles and a bit of the evil undead's broken skin as well.

She then whipped out her stake and stabbed the smelly vampire in the chest causing him to turn into a puff of dust in the thin air.

"Ha… I don't feel any better." She sighed.

"Well, it's about to get a whole lot worse, sweetheart!" Another said.

Buffy rolled her eyes turned around swung her leg in order to trip him up. It worked. He was on his back and she was about to go for the stab right into the heart, but he grabbed her by her forearms and tossed her away.

"Ugh!" She grunted as she rolled away.

That was when they were both back on their feet and ready for action. Buffy began to spin around quickly gaining some sort of momentum before she kicked him in the head. She steadied herself as he fell to the ground. Then quickly as if she'd trained for years— which she had— flipped forward and kicked him in the head once more. It really kept him down this time. Then in finality she staked him with her trusty wooden friend: Mr. Pointy.

"Hello, love."

She turned around ready to stake whoever's behind her (purely on instinct). However, Spike held the armed arm and his other hand was in the all too familiar spot— much to Buffy's horror— at her waist. She was panting and Spike was electrically aware of how her body breathed flush against his body.

Immediately, she pulled away giving Spike the death glare….

**Author's Note: Sorry for such a long update. I've been busy, then I was writing other fanfics… whoo. I'll be sure to update sooner next time. :—)**

**Don't forget to review. :—D**


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